Are Other People Struggling Too? Why We Want to Know We’re Not Alone

We Want to Know We’re Not Alone

Sometimes we don’t need advice. We don’t need a reframe. We just want to know: Is anyone else carrying this kind of weight, too?

Not because we want to compare pain—but because we want to stop feeling like our struggle makes us defective or alone.

The Hidden Question Behind Many Conversations

When we tell someone we’re overwhelmed, hurting, lost, or doubting ourselves, we’re often not asking them to fix it. What we’re really asking is:

• Is this normal?

• Am I the only one who hasn’t figured it out yet?

• Is there something wrong with me for feeling this way?

That need is primal. And it’s not about weakness. It’s about integration.

We want to know that our struggles don’t disqualify us from belonging.

The Lie of Isolation

Unprocessed pain has a way of making us feel terminally unique.

• We think we’re the only ones who overfunction in relationships

• The only ones who still feel insecure at our level

• The only ones who can’t seem to relax, even when things are good

But most of the time, what feels unique is actually just unspoken.

The moment someone else says, “Yeah, me too”—our nervous system exhales.

Why This Belongs in the Integration Series

Integration isn’t just about aligning parts of ourselves. It’s also about locating ourselves inside something larger.

We aren’t the only ones struggling to let love in while craving it. We aren’t the only ones who can speak with clarity but spiral internally. We aren’t the only ones whose confidence is sometimes a cover for pain.

We don’t need to be exposed to be connected. But we do need to be seen.

How to Connect More Deeply

It’s one thing to want connection. It’s another to create the conditions for it.

We don’t always need someone else to go first. Sometimes it’s our own vulnerability—our honest naming of what’s real—that invites others to join us. If we can tolerate the exposure, we create the space.

Ways to open deeper conversations:

• Ask someone what’s been heavy for them lately—not just what’s new

• Share something meaningful without waiting for permission

• Invite stories, not summaries: “What shaped that decision for you?” instead of “Why’d you do that?”

• Reflect back something you see in them that they may not name for themselves

Connection deepens when we stop performing and start practicing truth.

Final Thought

Asking, "Are other people struggling with this too?" is a bid for reality.

We are looking for resonance—a reminder that our internal world doesn’t make us broken. It makes us human.

And that’s not something to fix. That’s something to integrate.