The Solomon Paradox: Can We Really Give Good Advice If We Don’t Know Ourselves?

The so-called Solomon paradox—the idea that people give wiser advice to others than they do to themselves—has a catchy appeal.

It feels true at first glance: we’ve all experienced how much easier it is to see someone else’s situation clearly while feeling lost in our own. But as a universal claim, it falls apart.

The paradox assumes that wisdom comes from distance, as if stepping back from the mess of our own lives magically grants clarity. But real wisdom doesn’t come from detachment. It comes from integration. From doing the difficult, unglamorous work of studying your own patterns, testing your own frameworks, and confronting your own illusions.

Why the Solomon Paradox Misses the Point

1. Advice Without Self-Work Is Just Projection.
   Most people who parrot advice are regurgitating cultural scripts—they haven’t pressure-tested their thinking in the lab of their own lives. Without self-awareness, their guidance is nothing more than a reflection of their own biases and unresolved loops.

2. Detachment Isn’t the Same as Clarity.
   The paradox suggests that distance from your own problems makes you wiser. Maybe it makes you clever, but clever isn’t the same as clear. Real clarity comes from looking directly at your own patterns and learning how to navigate the uncomfortable territory of your own emotional landscape.

3. Wisdom Requires Being in the Fire.
   It’s easy to dish out advice from the sidelines. It’s harder to give meaningful, nuanced guidance when you’ve lived through the chaos, uncertainty, and complexity yourself—and still found a way to distill what matters.

The Kernel of Truth

There is some truth to why we seem to give clearer advice to others:

• Psychological distance reduces noise. When you’re not emotionally entangled in the outcome, you can see patterns and next steps more objectively.

• Self-talk is full of distortion. We are often harsher, more indulgent, or more avoidant with ourselves than we are with others.

But this is where a shift in thinking is needed: real wisdom is about closing that gap—bringing the same clarity inward that we extend outward. It’s about seeing your own life as clearly as you see someone else’s.

Are We Really Giving Good Advice If We Don’t Know Ourselves?

No. Advice without self-knowledge is shallow at best, harmful at worst. The best advisors, leaders, or therapists are those who have spent years dissecting their own mechanisms. They’ve been their own test subjects. Their guidance carries weight because it’s been lived, not just theorized.

A New Lens on Advice

• “The Solomon paradox assumes you can be wise without looking at yourself. That’s not wisdom—it’s distance. And distance can make you clever, but not clear.”

• “You can’t give good advice if you’ve never held the same mirror up to yourself. Otherwise, you’re just reciting scripts.”

• “The best advice doesn’t come from detachment—it comes from being tested.”